Articles I'd Written For World Of Dance

D-Trix & Friends 

Ian Eastwood In a New Movie 

Neon Battle 

SYTYCD Week 2

Step Up: All In 

SYTYCD Week 3 

Korean High School Dance to Pentatonix 

SYTYCD Week 4 

Brian Puspos in Korea 

SYTYCD Top 20 

"The Agents" of AGT 

Vine 

Tremaine's Innovators: Jabbawockeez 

Pacman & Ed Sheeran 

Eastwood On the Move 

NappyTabs For the Emmys 

"So Good" 

Quit Standing Still, Cinderella (From K-Pop Writing Workshop)

This is my first personal essay/creative non-fiction I posted. QSSC is about my personal struggle to find myself while having an imaginary friendship with my favorite music group, U-Kiss. I hope you all like it! 

  

(photo by Leslieraphael91)

“Hey guys!” I said when I saw the guys walking into the studio. The U-Kiss gang is all here—Soohyun, Kiseop, Eli, AJ, Hoon, Kevin, and Jun. We’re going to record a new song I had written for them after they came back from their European vacation. I have been their lyricist and friend for a while since I arrived in Korea as a college student. It’s weird because I never thought I would make it this for to not only making my dreams come true, but also meeting the group who helped me become the person I am today. I was only a sophomore in college when I ran into the CEO of NH Media. He told me my online poems and lyrics were amazing and I should come meet their group U-Kiss for their next comeback. Back then, I really thought he was kidding. When I agreed and met them in the flesh, I was in for an adventure. 

“Hi Asela!” Kevin smiles and gives me a quick hug. “How’ve you been?”

“Great!” I respond. “Now that we’re back in the studio!”

“Man,” AJ sighs. He looked a lot healthier the last time I saw him. “How long has it been since we recorded a song? A month? Feels like forever…”

The last time we worked on a song together was when AJ finally came back from college and they won number one with the first song I wrote the lyrics for. We were both surprised that it happened. “Hey!” Soohyun calls, and breaks my Konglish conversation with Kevin and AJ. “Let’s not waste any time! We need a new song for our comeback! Our fans are waiting for us!”

AJ turns and smiles at me, “I’m ready. Are you ready, Asela?”

I smile back, “Let’s start recording!”

I always want to meet U-Kiss in person. U-Kiss, acronym for Ubiquitous Korean International/Idol SuperStars, is a Korean boy group whom I’ve been fan of since 2010.  My friends, Sarah and Emily, introduced me to U-Kiss’ music along with other boy groups like Super Junior, SHINee and 2PM. They were huge K-Pop fans and they wanted me to listen to artists they recommended. U-Kiss was one of the artists. At first, Super Junior caught some of my attention because of their song Sorry Sorry but I did turn my head a little to U-Kiss when they played Man Man Ha Ni, Bingeul Bingeul, and Not Young (FYI: I wasn’t that into K-Pop at the time, but I was still interested in the genre). After I listened to my friends’ recommended artists, I kept listening to U-Kiss’ music and I watched their variety show appearances online. Sometimes, I would daydream that I was working with them. U-Kiss, those seven boys, made a deep impact on me as a person—especially during my first year in college.

At the end of my senior year in Folsom High School, I thought I was going to be a singer, travel to Korea, become a trainee in a big company, debut in a group, and become popular then. In a way, my mind was set to become a singer. I really thought I could be a singer based on the music videos, including U-Kiss’, and practiced in my bedroom like my room was my stage and my stuffed animals were my audience.  In fact, I sang as a harmonized alto in the school choir for four years including three years in middle school.

I was convinced that I was going to become a singer and show everyone that I was a diamond-in-the-rough people were waiting to see. I even told myself, “U-Kiss would be proud of me for going after my dream!” However it wasn’t my dream to sing in front of an over a crowd of over million people, but I didn’t bother to sit down and think if I really wanted this.  

It was hard to convince my parents on my musical career. They, especially my mom, kept asking me if this was really what I wanted, “You should learn other things than just stick to one thing. You’ll never know if you’ll be a singer or not. You’re going to regret it if you don’t try!”

I was annoyed by their constant advice. My mind set on being famous, I thought nothing would change. In order to convince my parents that I could succeed with a music career, I practiced during my free time in my room with songs to fit my vocal range and freestyle danced to any fast, energetic music. I was determined to prove them wrong.

 During my practice, I handpicked and sang U-Kiss songs for auditioning big name companies through video auditions. Since there was a rarity of singers singing U-Kiss songs, I thought I would be the first. “Man,” I thought, “if I become a famous singer, not only I prove my parents wrong, but also I’ll meet U-Kiss! Heck, I might work alongside them!”

I wasn’t sure what song I should sing. So, I asked for help…

“Should I audition with ‘Believe’ or ‘Forbidden Love’?” I ask AJ while we stroll through the busily streets of Seoul. Even though I am good friends with U-Kiss as a whole, AJ and I had gotten close since I started working for NH Media. I guess we’re close because we both attend different US colleges. We also consistently work in the studio and often run into each other. Thus, our friendship grew after we talked a lot during studio session. Today, everyone is out working. Hoon and Kiseop left early to go record for a show called, “Dream Team”. Eli is hosting “Simply K-Pop” at Arirang studio. Soohyun and Jun are recording a new episode for “Star King”. I think a dance group is guest starring there. As for AJ and me, we’re on a break from working in the studio. I figured, since we’re on break, it’s the right time to practice. I asked AJ for choosing which I should audition for. AJ was taken back at first—I don’t know why he reacted that way—but he gladly agreed to help me.

“You’re,” AJ still stunned that I want to be a singer, “really going to audition?”

“Why not? Since I’ve been working with you guys and helped you win your first music show win, I figured it’s my turn to take center stage!”

AJ scratches his head, “Yeah but—”

“Oh! How about this song?” I clear my throat, “Na ajikdo neoreul jiul su eobseo. Jakkujakku niga saenggangna. Niga neomu bogo shipeo. Bamsae hansumdo jal su eobseo.”  

AJ nods and makes what it looks like an approved face, “Hm.”

“Do you like it? It’s one of your guys’ hit songs ‘0330’!”

AJ nods again. I’m now curious and worried. “Do… you like it?”

He finally answers me with a careful smile, “It was nice. You might want to work on that breathing though. And try to sing louder.”

 I did what he instructs me. I start singing again from the top, “Na ajikdo neoreul jiul su eobseo. Jakkujakku niga saenggangna. Niga neomu bogo shipeo. Bamsae hansumdo jal su eobseo.”   

AJ opens his mouth when we arrive to find Kevin waiting outside of the studio. We look at each other and wonder what Kevin is doing here. We approach to Kevin with a greeting smile on his face. “Hey guys!” Kevin said cheerfully. 

I wave at him. “Hey Kevin! What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be appearing on a variety show or something?”

Kevin shook his head, “Nope! I’m off today! I see you guys are working in the studio as usual! Always making music. Can I join you guys?”

AJ smiles at him and gestures us to enter, “Why not? I was just helping Asela with her audition song.”

Kevin tilted his head, “Audition?”

“Yup!” I said proudly, “I’m going to be singer! Just like you guys!”

Kevin’s smile changes into concern look and he quickly turn to AJ. He gives him the same face expression when I asked him for help. I look at the two’s silent conversation and clear my throat, “Um…is there something you guys aren’t telling me?”

Kevin takes a deep breathe and said in a careful tone, “Well…er…Asela…as a friend…I, I mean we, no I mean I don’t really see you as a…singer…”

My mind starts racing with questions and shock. “Oh…why?”

  AJ quickly stops and change the subject, “Hey, how about we start working? We can’t stay on break forever!”

I scrounge my face and try to ease our brief, awkward conversation, “Stop Boy! In The Name of Love! And tell me, Kevin, why you don’t see me as a singer!”

AJ pat my head and laughs, “Very funny and let’s talk about that next time. Right now, we need to get back to the studio and work on new songs!”

As AJ goes straight to the recording room, Kevin gives me a weary smile. “Maybe next time?”

I wonder what they’re trying to say to me… 

I graduated from Folsom High in May 2012. My good friends and I smiled at our accomplishments, threw our blue caps in the air and celebrated the four exhausting, thrilling years in high school. Each of my friends cheered brightly like they wanted to chant “Freedom!”

 “We made it!” They cried. “I can’t wait to go to college! University, here I come!”

I should’ve joined in on the festivities, but all I could think of was… this is going too fast. While I forced myself to smile with my friends, I couldn’t help but reflect on what I did in high school.

I thought about how I’ll miss the Quad where students—both underclassmen and upperclassmen—had a quick chat before they headed off to class, the classes I’d taken from choir to digital art, and the friends I had made throughout my four years attending the school. I was carefully listened to my friends’ after-high-school plans and my worries started to build up inside me like mixing two dangerous chemicals—panic and feeling left behind—in a tube filled with normal water to create one huge explosion. I was worried that I hadn’t made a plan of my own. I didn’t really think about what college I wanted to attend, let alone choose a major.

While I practiced in my room, my level of worries escalated. As I entered community college, I met more classmates and friends who had bigger ambitions for a career and graduating from college early.  

From left to right, they spoke passionately, “I’m going to get my associates of science degree in ________ and hopefully I’ll transfer to __________ once I graduate.”

 They were confident when they said, “I work at ________ right now, but I’m going to get my degree and go to __________ for my bachelor’s degree.”

And there I was. My “dream” wasn’t as passionate as my friends even though we were all attending the same community college. I was scared to reveal my ambition to sing for a living whereas I wanted to major in music. Some of my friends had musical ambitions as well, but they were more active, sharing their talents in public while I was just practicing in my room. Even though I transferred to a different community college for better education, I still felt worried about my future. I compared myself to my friends in universities, and those who had stable jobs were actively performing. I thought of how envious I felt because they were actually doing something with their lives—not singing and dancing in their rooms like I did. I wanted to cry just thinking about it.

I thought to myself, “What would U-Kiss do in this situation?”

I closed my eyes and fell into my daydream…

“Asela,” AJ gently speaks and pat on my back. “What’s wrong? Why do you look so down?”

We are sitting on my cream couch in my apartment. AJ came to visit because, in his words, he felt like it. I guess he noticed my troubled look when he came over and sat next to me. I try to give him a smile. “Oh it’s nothing really…”

“Nothing? Are you sure?”

“Hey, where are the others?”

“Kevin and Eli are hanging out somewhere in Seoul. The rest left to film for a variety show. But don’t change the subject. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! I’m just…”

“Just what?” AJ asked gently

Unexpectedly, my tears start running down my cheeks. “I feel like I failed! I just…my friends are out there! Doing something with their lives! Going off to a university! Working in a paid job! And here I am! Being a lazy butt and all I did is nothing comparing to theirs! I’m scared I may not be successful as I thought. I’m…scared….”

It is out. The truth is finally out. As much as I want to think I’m achieving something, all I do is dream up picture of my career and figure that is my life. AJ sits and listen to my confession, “Asela…”

I sniffle, “Yes?”

“There are two things I want to say and this is just my opinion. First, this is a daydream. We’re only your imaginary friends even though we’re real people in real life. We haven’t met except for your daydreams.”

Wow. That’s true but ouch.

“Second, why are you comparing yourself to others? Have you thought about what you really want with your life?”

“Uh…”

“Asela…”

“Okay,” I sigh, and trying to stop crying. “I haven’t but—”

AJ stops me, “Is being a singer really your dream?”

I rub my temples when he asked me this question, “Why do you ask?”

“Seriously, is it really your dream?”

I sit in silence and thought about it for a while. “I…guess?”

AJ frown and sighs, “Asela, do you remember an interview I had in Korea about my dreams and goals?”

I nodded.

“And do you remember what I said about Columbia and my future with U-Kiss?”

I nodded again. “What’s your point?”

“The point is,” he explains. “I didn’t give them up because they were my dreams I know I’m working for. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am right now. I didn’t realize what I wanted to do until I reached a certain age.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning you’ll get your chance. Just try new things and see what fancies you.”

I sigh. I couldn’t help but agree with him. He is right. I was so concerned about my future in jeopardy that I didn’t think about what else I could do to be successful and happy.  

Maybe that’s what Kevin was trying to explain last time we hung out. They’re trying to explain this to me about my dream is and what I’m really good at. I wipe my tears with my sleeves, “You know, you sound like my parents!”

“Well, they’re right. Parents are usually right…most of the time.”

I laugh and let out another sigh, “Well, time to head back to reality. I need to go to my first class tomorrow.”

AJ smile and hug me. “Good luck! I know you’ll be fine. Your time will come.”

As I drift back into the world of college and finding myself, I heard AJ singing one of my favorite songs by them in the background, “You get some right. You get some wrong. Although tiring, the day to smile will come. When you fall down. When you get up. Although tiring, the day to smile will come. Eventually, that day to smile will come.”  

  After my sit-down chat with AJ, I put my music dreams aside. I didn’t give up on the dream, but I think of it as more of an idea than a general passion to pursue. I took his advice in consideration and tried to find other things that might spark my interest.

A year past since my high school graduation, I moved and transferred to another community college, Klamath Community. I took mostly general ed. classes during my attendance at Klamath Community. Even though I struggled to find my dream and major, I wasn’t willing to cave in from working through college courses. I finally found relief when I enrolled in a class that I never thought I found happiness in: poetry. I figured it was just for fun and I thought I wasn’t a good writer. Why not start something new right? I didn’t think poetry was fun, until after I learned so many ways to write from ransom note to a simple haiku. I went home and looked up this new career I never thought existed: creative writing. Creative writing could range from writing poetry to writing fiction stories. I wrote some of my own pieces, both in and outside of class, and presented them to my parents. In my mind, I thought they might nod and said, “Good.” I assumed they might think my work was okay, but my writing wowed my parents. My mom wouldn’t stop praising my work and proudly said, “I think you can write and tell a story very well! You can make a good living out of this!”

My dad even smiled, “I’m really glad you found something that fancied you.”

I was so overwhelmed with joy that I almost burst into tears. But they were happy tears. I made my parents happy with my writing. It was the best thing that happened to me since I listened to U-Kiss. After I showed my work to my parents, I decided to major in English (emphasis on Creative Writing). 

After I found my major, I applied and received an acceptance letter from one of Oregon’s universities, Southern Oregon University. I visited the campus and expressed my passion to attend there for my degree. It was the most artistic university, actually the first university I visited. After I got accepted into SOU, I was content to know that I’m one step closer to getting my degree in Creative Writing. After my spring term at Klamath Community, I will transfer to Southern Oregon University in the Fall as an English major.

As I continue to improve my writing and honing into my creativity, I let out a sigh and smile. I finally feel like I actually did something with my life: majoring in English (of all people, I didn’t think I would study in that field), writing new things, and my level of worries had decreased. I feel like a huge weight just lifted off of my shoulders.  

Throughout my achievements, I realize one major thing—I didn’t compare myself to others this time. Even though my friends, including close friends who were in a similar field of study as I am, made bigger achievements, I naturally smiled and gave my congratulations to them. I was really happy for them, but most importantly, I was happy for myself. Not only have I found a major that can take me far in the future, but also…I finally got my time.

Who knows? Maybe my next achievement, with my English/Creative Writing degree, I will be writing for big name artists…including U-Kiss. Not as a singer, but… as a writer. 

I thought to myself, “I can see U-Kiss smiling down on me right now…”

In my daydream, U-Kiss smile and wink at me. 

I smile back and shouted, “Thank you, U-Kiss!”

Bye-Bye, Ms. Go-To Girl

She is my gal pal when it comes to fun.

She’s up for quality time

whether its acting girly girls at a shopping center

or watching reruns of Dragon Ball.

She humors me with wacky tales of her Cali home.

The time she caught her brother staring

gaily at a Birthday balloon for no reason or

her father’s cheesy punchlines at family gatherings. 

She is my best go-to-girl

for lively chats and girl’s night out.

But she’s not the kind of friend…

who says things she’ll regret. 

One day, I told her about my job

to sell custom-made ropes door to door

I was suspicious

It gave me an eerie feeling, that job.  

I quit.

She nodded, 

“I understand…with your sensitivity, and all.”

She had other cringe-worthy lines like—

On food, “Your mom’s cooking made me sick.”

On love, “I think it’s okay to cheat. You’re still young!”  

On the future, “I don’t think you’ll make it…  

if you’re gearing towards…” 

—but that line took the cake.

Well, there goes our Dragon Ball night.

I'm Done (Song)

1st v:

Dazed and confused
I see you're unamused
Feeling betrayed and bitter?
It will be all over
Boycotting the news
future projects for you
will not going back
to the past
We've been through this before
Therefore
You must settle down

Bridge:
But you insist
to convince
the world to turn against
your alleged "sadist"
Without being reasonable
So...

Chorus:
I'm done.
I'm over with your
childish behavior
I'm through with your
unimportant anger
I've told you in the past
It's only for a second
But I'm done
You're on your own

2nd v:
Unsatisfied
I know you feel saddened
You blamed on you-know-who?
We already know they're never true (it's business)
Scrambling through your Twitter
then on Tumblr
will not convince them
to claim it was all a prank  
We've been through this before
Therefore
Sit your ass down

Chorus:
I'm done.
I'm over with your
childish behavior
I'm through with your
unimportant anger
I've told you in the past
It's only for a second
But I'm done
You're on your own

3rd v: (3x)
Who cares?
You will still be there
for your boo
Right?
Or will you leave him
then call him a traitor?
I would say you're
overreacting
but what's the use?

Bridge:
You insist
to convince
the world to turn against
your alleged "sadist"
Without being reasonable
So...

Chorus (2x):
I'm done.
I'm over with your
childish behavior
I'm through with your
unimportant anger
I've told you in the past
It's only for a second
But I'm done
You're on your own

Outro:
Dazed and confused
I see you're unamused
Feeling betrayed and bitter?
You are better
I can't help you anymore
You're on your own.

One Day It Will Regain

Perished in a dark hole
Rarely to be seen
It may or may not return
Don't count me out just yet
Eventually, I will find my way home.

Crushed Seoul, Yellow Ribbon

I am so sorry
Seoul. Time may be bad right now but 
I am here for you. 

It is hard I know 
Watching your loved ones fading 
to the sky. Crushed heart

But please remember
They are protecting you now
With their light hands

Yellow ribbons
They will always be in your
heart. Don't forget it.

Don't lose the music
They want you to smile too.
Saranghaeyo, Seoul.

I will pray for you
Please don't lose hope in life. Our
angels needs your love.

They will live in us
Wishing us nothing but joy
Smile. I'll pray.

Haiku: A Possibly Last Wish (For Shamous)

Hello Mr. Big Man 
Please, don't put me down. She will 
cry for my slumber.

Haiku: Overshadowing Existence

You think you are safe
With technology and all,
But where's your value?

Valentine

7:00 a.m. - I woke up from a blastering alarm clock. I turn it off and head to the showers-- leaving the man I've known for more than a year cuddling with blankets.  

7:30 a.m. - I came out of the showers -- all dried and dressed for work -- and I check to see if he's awake. He's still in bed... in a different position.

9:00 a.m. - I headed out the door with a toast trapped between my lips to a car we occasionally take turns driving. I get into the driver's seat, and before I start the engine, my phone buzzed. I checked and he send a text, "I love you!" He finally woke up.  

12:30 p.m. - Busiling with constant work hours, I write, type, print, and repeat in my little cubicle. Stefon, my co-worker, won't stop talking me into going to a fancy party with him. He's throwing the fancy party. I think he forgot that I'm taken. But he doesn't care. He just wants to see me naked like he invisioned it in his dreams (he told me once about that.)

12:35 p.m. - He sent me the same text this morning, "I love you!"

12:37 p.m. - He sent me another one, "Turn around." with a winking icon.

12:38 p.m. - There he is. Standing there with a huge grin on his face and a basket with homemade sandwiches, bottled waters, and a card that says, "I love you!" He was dropping by from work and thought we could have lunch together (a.k.a an excuse to just be with me and rub it on Stefon's face). Thank god he came.

12:59 p.m. - We finished our lunch and talked briefly about our day so far. It was time for him to go. He kissed me softly and whisepred, "See you at home, love."    

3:00 p.m. - Stefon stopped talking to me after He came to visit me. Now, he's bothering the seceratary about his fancy party. Poor girl...

4:09 p.m. - He sent me the same text as this morning, "I love you!"

4:10 p.m - He sent me another one, "Can't wait for you to come home! I have a surprise for you!"

5:22 p.m. - I was almost done with a couple of paperwork. I just need to make copies and send them to my boss.

5:35 p.m. - The copy machine broke. Damn it.

5:38 p.m. - He sent me the same text as this morning, "I love you!"

5:40 p.m. - I have to be home. He's waiting for me.

5:50 p.m. - I ran to the elevator, carrying paperworks, and pressed building six since their floor has a copy machine.

6:02 p.m. - I went into their copy room. It worked.

6:25 p.m. - I made my way to my boss's office and delivered him the copies. He nodded and shooed me away to go home.  

6:30 p.m. - As I gathered my things, Stefon came around and wanted to make sure I don't want to go to his party. Alone. I immediately decline and ran out of the building as fast as I can. He's waiting for me.

6:45 p.m. - I made a stop at Burger King and ordered their chocolate milkshake with whipped cream. He loves milkshakes. He texted me, "Counting down the hours! I can't wait to see your pretty face!"

7:00 p.m. - Home. Finally. I unlocked the front door and opened to see him sitting on the living room floor with decorated lights hanging above him. Surrounded by homemade pasta and bread he made, he sat there with a huge grin on his face and patted the floor telling me to sit next to him. So I did. 

7:03 p.m. - I gave him the milkshake, which caught him by surprise. I repeatedly said sorry to him while I gave him a huge apologetic hug. He let out a laugh and rubbed my head, "I'm just happy you're here." 

7:30 p.m. - He picked up the dishes and headed to the kitchen. He came back with a frosted white and pink cake and a single lit candle standing tall on it. He set the cake down in front of me, with the words decorated on top of it, "I love you, Birthday girl!"

10:00 p.m. - "Happy Birthday, love." He kissed me. I smiled and kissed back. It's good to be home.  

Just Me Babbling...

Why does everything have to be
high quality?
Why is it that everything you see and hear
have to be "better"
and "mind-blowing"?
Why can't you just enjoy what you have?
Watching you ranting
on high quality visuals
baffles me
Talking like you know
every little detail like you've worked on it before
frustrates me
Seeing your compliant online
...as an anonymous confession
annoys me
How do you want your visuals
to be "better" than
what they have?
Do you know how to manage
something bigger
than you imagine? (I'm sure you do, but...)
How much it would cost
to build something
extravagant?
If you don't like what you see,
don't hide your frustration by
confessing your so-called problem
like you committed a sin.
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Black Button Eyes

My mom shouted,

“Let’s all have black button eyes!

Become creatures of imagination

And live in an animated utopia. 

Show no emotions 

Except for a smile.” 

Horrified, I refused 

to replace my ember eyes

for some plastic coins.

As I walked out the door,

The people of earth,

Had quickly changed

With arms and legs

as loose as 

inflatable car ad balloons  

swaying in the wind,  

creepy smiles 

like L’s,

and the black button eyes,  

Everyone is now

made of moist and smooth

materials  

like the citizens of the Other World. 

They,   

Including my own mother,

all worship 

the orange-yellow polka dotted elephant,

And banned the Nobodys like me,

and Hogwart’s own Hagrid, 

From their sanctuary    

All because we refuse to have one thing:

Black button eyes.